Sometimes I wish I could time-travel, and tell my Younger Self things I have learned as my slightly Older Self. For example, my perspective on dating, school, and work. Until time-travel becomes a reality I will just pretend.
Dear Single Self,
You may be wondering why I'm posting this photo. I look like a ghost, and well Calvin looks a little like a Smurf. It's not the most flattering photo of us.
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It just so happens this is the only photo we have "together" when we were 18. We had attended a BYU football game with a large group of friends and we both just happened to be going.
At this point in our lives, we were just acquaintances. I was the one who sprayed the blue temporary hair dye into his (gorgeous) curly locks. I remember smelling his hair and saying, "Oh! you smell good, like Suave Juicy Green Apple shampoo. That's what I use!"
I know, not exactly the most romantic meeting.
Months later he would hang out with me and a group of friends, and go swimming. I remember joking, pretending to need help getting out of the pool, and asking for a hand to lift me out. I would then proceed to pull him into the water on purpose.
He may have also climbed my apartment complex's trees.
Did I have any idea at that time that five years later I would be wearing a white dress and marrying him for time and all eternity? Definitely not.
Did I imagine at the time that I would be gluing his finger back together or traveling the remote hills of Guatemala together in a cattle truck? Nope.
The point is, I look back and clearly remember this period of life. I had a lot of fun, but I was also very stressed out. I was worried about grades, money, work, and roommates. I wondered when would I ever sleep for more than five hours at a time.
I also remember painstakingly trying to balance 17 grocery bags on the handle bars of a borrowed bike so I could eat for another week. As the years passed, I had thoughts in the back of my head that would temporarily flash by. "Why am I not dating someone?" "When will I get married?"
The truth is, I had it all wrong. As it is clearly evident, things did not go according to "my timetable" and it was the best possible thing that could have ever happened to me. I didn't get married later in life as I had anticipated. I was married at the young age of twenty three. Although everything has turned out beautifully for me, I wish I did some things different. Here are five things I wish my Single Self knew.
1. Carve out some time and find a group that has similar interests.
My schedule was very busy, but I should have made more time for friends. Because I was so busy, usually if I would meet people it was often through my roommates. Instead, I wish I actively went out of my way to find friends that had similar interests, rather than "hanging out" with whoever was nearby. For example, I wish I had joined a slack lining club, or even a rock climbing group. Dating would have been easier. I probably missed out on meeting a lot of cool people because I usually hung out with the same group of people.
2. Don't compare yourself to others
This may sound easy, but it's not. College can be a giant pressure cooker where it is nearly impossible to completely escape the "squeeze of comparison." It's easy to notice and compare people's, clothes, hairstyles, grades, internship offers, engagements...the list goes on. Instead of inadvertently getting sucked into a massive whirlwind of negative thoughts, the best thing to do is focus on making yourself the best possible person, and then letting the rest go. Constantly comparing yourself with others in a negative way programs your thoughts for failure. Unfortunately, negative people are not very attractive. Bottom line is don't put too much pressure on yourself. Everything has a way of working itself out.
3. Take time to feed yourself.
This may sound silly, but I remember on numerous occasions eating vending machine Hot Pockets for meals out of desperation. I also remember getting home from work starving and stuffing my face with pieces of white bread until I could find something better to eat. I totally cringe at the thought now, but it did happen. If I could go back I would spend a little more time learning a few recipes that were simple, tasty and healthy.This would have helped me tremendously so I could feel and look my best. I am thoroughly convinced the acne I suffered in college was due to my poor eating habits. With clear skin, I would have also felt a lot more confident in the dating arena. Guess what, guys like confidence.
3. Being alone doesn't always mean you're lonely
It seems like everything in college is done in a group, however, taking some time to myself once in awhile would have been good for me. When I was living with five other girls, sometimes life was crazy. Whether its going to the dollar theater by myself, or sitting out on the grass to read a book, alone time can be an amazing thing.
Also, it is important to note, just because I wasn't dating anyone at the time didn't mean I was "lonely." I simply hadn't found the right person yet.
Also, it is important to note, just because I wasn't dating anyone at the time didn't mean I was "lonely." I simply hadn't found the right person yet.
5. Hakuna matata.
That's right - don't worry, be happy. Life is messy, even with best efforts, you can't control everything. The college years were a time of a lot of uncertainty, and I wanted answers! I did get answers, but they didn't come all at once. The answers to my string of questions about life came one at a time, little by little. Some questions, such as, "Who am I going to marry?" didn't get answered for years. If I could go back, I wouldn't worry about getting a B on a class, or the fact that I didn't have time to perfectly complete all three assignments due the next day, in addition to work. I wish I would have let go what I simply didn't have time for.
So there you have it, Single Self. Sage advice from "many" years of experience. I hope it helps.
Love,
Your Older Self
So there you have it, Single Self. Sage advice from "many" years of experience. I hope it helps.
Love,
Your Older Self
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